A Summer For Myself
I’m in Placencia, Belize and it is June 14, 2023.
Some kids my age see summer as a time to be free, party or drink their hearts away. There are others who see it as a time to level up for college by taking college courses and getting a job. I will never take an online summer school class again. I’ve done that (five times over).
Then there’s me. A “self-love summer” sounds too cliche and calling it a “self-realization summer” makes me sound like a privileged middle-aged white woman. I don’t know what to call my 2023, but I’m going with it…
The rules for myself that I have decided to follow with no question:
Little to no social media
I have deleted Instagram, BeReal, and TikTok (frankly I feel that TikTok is a little overrated for me, but to each his own). I’ve found myself so consumed by what others were doing and posting and dancing to. It’s honestly a never-ending hole that will only keep getting deeper. I have a life and I need to go and live that shit. So the less time I am on my phone, the better.
2. Eating clean
Too much of the time I find myself with a stomachache and fighting this feeling of pure illness with many different types of foods. Maybe I have some undiagnosed IBS or allergy, but, again, I have a life and I cannot treat it as though I’m going to live forever. The least I can do is eat a vegetable no matter how hard that may be.
3. Isolate
Now I know the pandemic was hard for everyone. People lost jobs, money, and lives. It was hard to find light in a dark, dark place while in a quarantine. But, for me, I talked to no one and I was the happiest I had ever been. I am a natural born extrovert, but I give up so much of myself to people and while in quarantine I could figure out who the hell I wanted to be. Miraculously, I found that and I held onto it for so long. But I’ve grown up and things change. So I need to spend this summer (finally out of quarantine) by myself to figure out who I am now.
By doing these three things, I hope to create some sense of self. I’m going into senior year and I don’t want to feel so insecure about who I am and I damn well won’t let that ruin my last year of high school. If everyone thinks I’m this ethereal being, maybe I can see it in myself. I also hope to create a routine to mimic this person I want to become. I feel that I can do it, but it takes a lot of work. This blog will help keep me accountable to my goals and also track my progress. I look forward.
